ok one and single follower... this is for you. I've moved home. Remember how hard it was to leave? Feeling so meloncholy sitting on my porch as the sun woke up and then went to sleep... feeling like a total rock star on stage for my last concert with the Shivaree... feeling like I loved my friends so much that they should be permanently attached to my skin the way they are to my heart. It's hard leaving a place that you've made your home. It's hard facing the fear that where ever you are headed may not be this great. Isn't this what life is about? Isn't this what we're searching for? Why am I leaving? My heart would ache and stomach would turn wondering if I was making a terrible mistake. How can leaving a place feel so right... and yet so wrong? Home. Going home... and leaving home at the same time.
This has gotten me to thinking more deeply about what home is... and how that feels to have one... or maybe even more then one.
I used to think that home was a place... obviously something we all eventually realize isn't true. Then I discovered that home was Christ... which comforted me since He comes with me everywhere:) I think I'm learning a little bit more fully though about home as a place combined with the home inside that Christ has built. Everywhere there are people that we need... and then people that need us too. This exchange; the giving and receiving of love, is part of what combines the place with the heart i think. Here I have Pono. My 11 year old cousin that comes over daily to help me with the garden and keep me company with enthusiasm and wisdom in everything he does and says. Here I have Kalani. My 21 year old cousin who has the most amazing presence about him. He's so relaxed and so positive it's impossible to be anything else but pleased when he's around. Here I have the kids: Keanu and Zarr, they sleep over every night and come over directly after school. They help in little ways and we make pancakes. They fight over who gets to crack the eggs or pour the flour or hold the bowl and I make them share. Zarr hates listening but I can tell he really wants to. Keanu loves helping but has A.D.D. so I get his help for a few seconds every few minutes. I read and tell them stories, with my pipe in my mouth every night to help them fall asleep. I love it when Keanu sucks his thumb. They all have beautiful brown skin and bright green or hazel eyes. Last night, Keanu ejected his thumb from his mouth to ask for another story cause he wasn't even tired yet. Droopily he inserted his thumb, and before I could say "once upon a time" he was snoring. Kamaka, Kama, my brother Steve- everyone has something to contribute, everyone has something to recieve, and we all have each other.
I went from something so genuine and full of love to another thing, genuine and full of love still. I love the giving and the receiving, the constant exchange of love- this is what every home should feel like.